Shit linguistis say

"Can I get a judgment from you real quick?"

Translation: Is the following sentence grammatical in your dialect of English? (Note, I am not asking you to pass judgment on my tasteless sweater.)

"I just always worry about things that have more than one potential source of a problem violating some uniqueness presupposition."

Translation: I'm worried that having multiple choice questions with more than one right answer will confuse the students.

"Well, that puts me and Carol in complementary distribution."

Translation: Our schedules don't overlap.

"Wow, did you hear how shifted her vowels were?"

Translation: That woman has a thick accent.

"And then my student was like 'Wait, we have a textbook?' and something in me died."

Translation: Never mind. If you're a teacher you already understand. If not, I wouldn't be able to explain it anyways.